How I wish I

You stupid person you don't know how difficult you are to forget. Maybe because you were my first (but not quite). But that aside, I don't think I can ever forget you, I can only get used to it.

There were many nights things felt weird & I was sad. Because you weren't part of my nights anymore. & it is especially agonising because I am much more awake at night than in daylight.

At times this particular scene keeps replaying in my head. I kept imagining how I would change my reaction and things could be so different now. You may be right beside me, & I don't have to miss your absence.

That's how it goes - you sent me home after your birthday dinner, the goodbye hug ended because I drew out. In my heart that wasn't what I wanted, I could lie in your hug for much longer, but my scumbag brain told me to draw out, and so my muscles did. How I wish I could correct my mistake - like how I always obsessively correct my typos - correct my mistake with a light kiss on your lips, signalling you to pull me in again. But I'll never have the guts to do so.

How I wish I have a chance to tell you this. Not to spoil your current relationship (and I know it will never because you don't love again before you're thoroughly through with the previous) but to let you know that there is this girl who finally fell in love with you. After you are gone.